************************************

This is a beautiful blessing which is often given over to the chassan and kallah from before their wedding (at least from the time of the formal engagement) and which continues through the week of sheva berachos. How should we translate this bracha? Either, “May you be worthy to build a faithful house amongst the Jewish people”, or perhaps, “May you be worthy to build a House of Faith amongst the Jewish people”.

In the first case, it would mean that the newlywed couple will be dedicated to Torah and mitzvos (with G-d’s help) and that therefore their home would be recognized as a ‘faithful’ one amongst the Jewish people – faithful to those values which have kept us intact and attached to the Source of all blessings. In the second case, it would mean that the newlywed couple will have succeeded in realizing another Jewish blessing, namely that of establishing a “Mikdash me’at” (a “miniature Sanctuary”) within the confines of their home. The implication here is that the Shechinah (G-d’s ethereal Presence) will have taken up residence along with the newly married couple, with continued blessing and spiritual light flowing to the present and future residents (and guests) of that particular home.

In either case, what we see is that the bracha means to confer upon the newly established home an enhanced level of sanctity, or holiness. What, shall we say, is the ultimate source of this higher level of kedusha?

Shall we say that it is the couple’s dedication to a Torah life-style which brings the Shechinah into the home, making it into a Mikdash me’at and thereby bestowing continued blessings on the new home? Or, shall we say that it is the Shechinah which comes to rest on the home b’almah – in deference to both the past and present dedication of the chassan and kallah – and that it is through this Presence that the couple continues to advance in their avodas hakodesh, bringing even greater holiness into their home and into their lives? In other words, which came first: the chicken, or the egg? And, assuming we can find a definitive answer, does it matter – so long as the outcome is seemingly the same?

************************************

There is a story in Ta’anis [21b] which may help to shed light on this question:

The Gemarah tells us that Rav Nachman bar Rav Chisda held his teacher, Rav Nachman bar Yitzchak, in great esteem and wanted his teacher to leave his present residence (in an unremarkable town, living among undistinguished people) and to come live with him – in a more reputable town with more distinguished scholars in residence.

Rav Nachman bar Yitzchak replied to him, “I have learned (in a Baraisa in the name of R’ Yose) that it is not a person’s place that accords him honor, but rather the person who accords honor to his place.” The Baraisa continues by giving two proofs for this concept:

(1) As long as the Shechinah rested upon Mount Sinai, then the mountain possessed a special holiness - i.e. no sheep or cattle were allowed to graze upon it [see Exodus 34:3]. But when the Shechinah departed from it [Exodus 19:13], then the prohibition to trespass upon Har Sinai was lifted and the animals were permitted to “go up on the mountain”.

(2) As long as the Mishkan (Sanctuary) was set-up (in the desert), then the place where it was pitched (and the place where the Shechinah rested) possessed a special holiness - i.e. anyone with a degree of spiritual impurity (tumah) was excluded from that place [see Numbers 5:2]. But when the Mishkan was taken apart, those individuals previously excluded were allowed to enter the place where the Tent had previously stood [see Menachos 95a].

What can we take home from this discursion? At face value, it seems clear from this Talmudic presentation that when the Shechinah rests upon a given place, then it is that placement which transfers holiness to that physical space only for the duration of its stay; once the Shechinah has departed, then there is a reversion to its original mundane status.

If we were to jump to conclusions, then we could say that it is the presence of the Shechinah in the newly formed household which enables that home to be transformed into a Mikdash me’at. However, take note that the Baraisa began by stating that it is “the person who accords honor to his place” (i.e. such as Rav Nacham bar Yitzchak in his nondescript town) – and then went on to superimpose the ‘Shechinah’ in place of a flesh-and-blood ‘person’. So, perhaps it is the actual ‘person’ (i.e. our newly married couple) that confers holiness to their home and will thus transform it into a Mikdash me’at?

Or, perhaps we can offer a third option and say that both possibilities exist. If a newly married couple wants to build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael, then they must be aware of two potential wellsprings of kedushah (holiness) into which they can tap in order to transmute their home from the mundane to the sublime:

(1) This religious young couple, who have lived their lives directed to the moment of their marriage, wants desperately at this auspicious time – now, at the beginning of their great adventure – to be able to build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael. G-d must sense this great desire and senses their prayer; so He sends His Shechinah to be an initial part of that nascent household (i.e. b’almah). This couple, then, have a head start on making a “House of Faith amongst the Jewish people” as the presence of the Shechinah will surely give aid to their quest.

(2) But what of the couple who start out on a more secular path, and only gradually come to appreciate the value of our heritage and the beauty of Torah and mitzvos? Then, in this case, it is “the person (of flesh and blood) who accords honor to his place” and will be instrumental in “building a faithful house amongst the Jewish people”. It is this later initiative which will invite the Shechinah to dwell among them and will aid them in their new quest to make their home into a miniature Sanctuary.

In either case it is both the presence of the Shechinah and the motivations of the couple which fuels the construction of the bayis ne’eman; however, just how and when these two forces appear will not be the same in every case. 

************************************

Do you want to build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael; do you want your home to be infused with the essence of righteousness and holiness, a bastion of stability in a world that is threatening and chaotic? Then you must learn to be a giver. The Gemarah in Ta’anis [21b] continues:

“There was once a plague in Sura, but in [a certain neighborhood] there was no plague … It was shown to them in a dream … that this was due to the merit of a certain man who would regularly lend out his hoe and his shovel for burials.” And, “There was once a fire in Derokart, but in [a certain neighborhood] there was no fire … It was shown to them in a dream … that this was due to the merit of a certain woman who would regularly heat her oven [each Friday] and make it available to her neighbors [to bake for Shabbos].”

Middah k’negged middah (measure for measure): Because the man assisted others in the mitzvah of burying the dead by lending the necessary tools, his neighborhood (i.e. home) was spared having to bury anyone during the plague. And, because the woman assisted others in the mitzvah of providing fire for cooking for her neighbors, the fire did not damage her neighborhood (i.e. home).

To become kadosh and to make one’s home kadosh; to become a tzaddik and earn the appellation of ‘righteous’ – one must forego ‘entitlement’ and learn to become a giver. The word tzedakah is derived from the same root word as tzaddik, and it implies ‘giving’. Functional homes are based on an outpouring of love, and the word ahavah is also based on the root word ‘to give.’

On Saturday night, during the havdalah service, we do this thing with our hands, moving them around by the light of the havdalah candle. Have this in mind next time you make havdalah:  When you first reach out your hand to the light (palm downwards), have in mind that primarily I should be a giver (hand-extended-palm- down, is the universal expression of giving), using the light of the Torah to guide me. Then, when you turn your hands over (palm upwards), have in mind that occasionally I may have to be a receiver (hand-extended-palm-up, is the universal expression of receiving). Seeing the pattern of light and dark created by these upturned fingers, determine to discover the Truth between light and dark; now make a mental note of your fingernails which are always growing, and pray to be able to constantly grow in acts of kindness and giving – in order to become more holy. The new week has begun, and we are already busy with the business of building our bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael.