Yaakov is shown the mangled and bloodied tunic of Yosef, and expresses shock. He rents his own garment, placing sackcloth upon his loins and grieves bitterly. All his children attempt to comfort him but to no avail.
The Torah reports how, וימאן להתנחם, he refused to be comforted.
Rashi famously explains the reason Yaakov could not find solace was because Yosef was actually alive and, על המת נגזרה גזירה שישתכח מן הלב ולא על החי, only for a dead person is it decreed that he should be forgotten from the heart, but not a living person.
It would appear that there is a ‘decree within nature’ that we can forget someone who actually died, lest we grieve our entire lives, but subconsciously we can never shake our pain of loss if the person is actually alive. As Rashi asserts, אין אדם מקבל תנחומין על החי וסבור שמת, No one accepts consolation for a person who is really alive but believed to be dead.
If this be the accurate understanding of Yaakov’s inability to relieve his grief so why does the verse state that ‘he refused’, intimating a conscious choice? If the reality of Yosef’s existence made it impossible for him to be comforted it should have more accurately stated ‘he couldn’t’ find comfort, no matter how hard he would try. He didn’t decline but simply in his frustration couldn’t be calmed.
Yaakov bemoans his fate when he then adds in sadness the reason for his discomfort, כי ארד אל בני אבל שאולה, For I will go down to the grave mourning for my son’.
Rashi, here too, enlightens us by informing that Yaakov had been told by G-d that if none of his sons dies during his lifetime, he can be assured that he will not see the face of Gehinnom. Now that Yosef has been killed, Yaakov senses he is fated to Gehinnom.
This reason seems contradictory to the first one. It is precisely because he senses he is dead that he now faces the reality of G-d’s revelation, and being doomed to Gehinnom, that fuels his being inconsolable.
The greater question that begs is how can Yaakov be so unaccepting of his fate? Isn’t it blasphemous to grieve endlessly? Aren’t all events that transpire part of the greater scheme of providence that is carefully orchestrated for our ultimate benefit? Even if Yaakov felt somehow guilty for all that tragically unfurled, is the appropriate response to become disconsolate?
Perhaps I may suggest an alternative perspective and understanding of what Rashi is actually saying.
Rashi makes reference to some form of ‘decree’ regarding the ability to forget the pain of loss of loved ones. The word ‘decree’ implies some type of harsh edict that was implemented due to a certain circumstance. Wasn’t it just implanted within the nature of the human psyche to forget their departed lest they wallow in grief forever?
Throughout the Talmud and Midrash the term ‘decree’ in this context often refers to the very first ‘decree’ that was instituted among the humanity, the ‘decree of death’. Before the sin of Adam we were to live forever. As a result of man’s folly we were decreed to die. Death doesn’t just happen, rather man is charged to fill the world with purpose and meaning, by ‘living’ inspired, improving not only one’s own character but by influencing the world around us with a message of truth and enlightenment, upon completion he dies.
When man merits ‘living’ a purposeful existence, fulfilling his mission and unique role in life, he can then leave this temporal realm to a higher existence. Although when those closest to us part from this world, we grieve their loss, with time the pain naturally dissipates, as they are now in a sphere of elevated being. They can ‘die’ peacefully, without leaving the overwhelming grief of their loss, for they have ‘lived’ and it is now time for them to ascend in ‘death’, with comfort.
When however there are those who leave this world before having accomplished the noble tasks they pined to achieve, and the contributions they sought to make, in a sense remaining ‘alive’ with their unfulfilled aspirations, they never really ‘die’ in the sense of the natural order of the ‘decree of death’. They are still alive, not having carried out their dreams.
Yosef, in Yaakov’s eyes, was still very much alive. He was vital to the completion of the House of Yaakov and the establishing of its legacy not only for the Jewish nation but for the benefit of all of humanity. He could not be consoled for there was a mission yet to be achieved. Yaakov indeed ‘refused’ to accept his loss, not simply in the sense of his cherished son that had died, but more so the dreams, hopes and greatness that awaited the world through Yosef’s sterling character and astounding personality.
Yaakov wasn’t simply committing never to reconcile with this loss, but rather to keep the aspiration of all that Yosef would represent ‘alive’. It wasn’t a natural reality but more a conscious choice not to accept an incomplete legacy. The perpetuation of the memory of Yosef wasn’t in the spirit of a nostalgic memory, but a reiteration of Yosef’s greatness that must be absorbed in order for the family of Yaakov to complete its goals.
The Yalkut Reuveini interprets Yaakov’s declaration that he ‘will go down to the grave mourning for his son’ as an intention to raise his son up from Gehinnom. This echoes the episode where King David cries out eight times ‘my son’ after observing the tragic death of his rebellious son Avshalom, and raises him out of the seven chambers of Gehinnom and propels him into Gan Eden.
Perhaps the great promise David held out for his talented son that wasn’t actualized was now being promoted and expressed for all to see in the powerful cries of David as he screamed out ‘my son’, that impacted the people so powerfully, that in turn was a credit for Avshalom. He too ‘lived’, in the hopes of all that could have been accomplished, that David so longed for.
Yaakov was determined to ‘live Yosef’s legacy and thus raise him from the pit of his downfall.
The two halves of Rashi are then two sides of the same coin. Yaakov refused to be comforted so that he could keep Yosef ‘alive’, with the goal of ‘descending to Gehinnom’ and restoring Yosef’s legacy.
In life there are many times when we are in danger of losing our aspirations. At times it is due to the frustrating obstacles that stand in our way. If we reconcile with that as reality we are ‘dead’. But if we strive, hope , and keep our dreams alive we stand a chance in remaining ‘alive’.
The Chashmonaim despite their losses and dwindling numbers and the great odds stacked against them refused to give up. It was that irreconcilable determination that brought us the ultimate victory.
In reaching our spiritual goals we must forever remain inconsolable.
We are taught that one who is attentive and mindful in maintaining the light of Chanukah is assured to have sons that are Torah scholars who will perpetuate that light.
If we don’t let our lights, our hopes, our aspirations, our goals, ever extinguish, we will merit to illuminate the world with the products of all our accomplishments.
באהבה,
א ליכטיגען חנוכה,
צבי יהודה טייכמאן
