Strangely the first time in Torah that the marvelous notion of ‘joy’, שמחה, appears, is when a startled Lavan discovers that his son-in-law Yaakov has gathered his daughters and their children to escape his clutches. Lavan madly dashes out to intercept them and upon reaching up with them incredulously exclaims, “Why have you fled so stealthily, and cheated me? Nor did you tell me - I would have sent you off with שמחה, gladness, with songs, with timbrel and with lyre!”

Was Lavan being sincere? After all the devious manipulations he dealt Yaakov over a period of twenty years was he now seriously claiming that he would’ve thrown a celebration in honor of Yaakov leaving? Was this just another display of his disingenuousness in feigning sincerity?

After Yaakov is duped into taking Leah, he negotiates with Lavan to marry Rachel as well. Hoping to marry her immediately Lavan suggests he first wait till the end of his ‘week of Sheva Brachos’ with Leah before celebrating his marriage to Rachel, so as not to mingle one joy with the other. In fact this is the basis in Jewish law why one may not marry during Chol HaMoed, the Intermediate  Days of a Yom Tov, lest one mix the joy of the holiday with the joy of one’s wedding. Evidently, Lavan, the master merrymaker, is indeed an expert on the art of joy.

The Torah recounts how Yaakov was able to evade Lavan’s attention in running away since Lavan and his entire entourage ‘had gone to shear his sheep’. What might seem to be just a piece of inconsequential information insofar as what difference did it make why he was gone, nevertheless we are taught that when the shearing of wool took place it was celebrated as a virtual holiday accompanied with great partying. (שמואל א כה ב רש"י שם)

The famed Rosh Yeshiva of Solobodka Rabbi Yitzchok Issac Sher writes that Yaakov in fleeing from Lavan intended to save his father-in-law from disgrace and confrontation. Yaakov possessed extraordinary strength as evidenced in his ‘popping’ the stone easily off the well as if it were merely a bottle cork. His sons embodied great power as well, as seen in many episodes later. They could have handily overpowered Lavan. Were Yaakov to directly confront Lavan with rightful rage and justified disgust, Lavan would’ve been reduced to rubble in the eyes of his daughters and grandchildren, belittled in the view of his townsfolk, and personally defeated. He would’ve been destroyed utterly on an emotional level. In dealing with the misguided and devious one cannot convince them by moral argument alone. One must utilize devices, even when at times they may be not fully truthful, in order to engage in a dialogue that may be more effective in conveying a message. Yaakov therefore chose to depict himself as a fugitive allowing Lavan to confront him accusingly in order to save Lavan face.

Lavan lodged three claims against Yaakov’s tactic. First, that Yaakov made it appear as if his daughters were, שבויות חרב, prisoners of war, as if their plight under Lavan reflected mistreatment, portraying Lavan in a very poor light. Secondly, he questioned Yaakov’s assertion that he wouldn’t have dispatched them with ‘joy and song’. Thirdly, Yaakov prevented Lavan from displaying his love for his children in denying him the ability to ‘kiss them goodbye’.

Yaakov cleverly sought to provoke from within Lavan the feelings that were often doused and submerged in his consciousness, due to his never-ending duplicitous efforts to always get his way. Yaakov, far away from Lavan’s natural environment, prodded forth from Lavan his earnest desire to be a respected patriarch of his family. Yaakov by goading Lavan got him to express his true instinctive feelings of kinship with Yaakov that wants to sing and rejoice as one. Finally, Yaakov orchestrated that Lavan would focus for once without distraction on his abiding love for his progeny, unclouded by his illusions of personal success.

Authentic happiness requires three ingredients: self-respect, healthy and joyous camaraderie and a sense of mission and pursuit of a legacy that is expressed in the loving bond with our progeny.

In the end, they celebrated all three. Yaakov selflessly allows Lavan to forge a covenant and proudly declare to Yaakov not to “ill-treat my daughters”, nor to “marry wives in addition to my daughters”, permitting Lavan to regain a semblance of self-respect.

Yaakov then slaughters animals “for a feast on the mountain and summoned his kinsmen to break bread”. Away from his normal surroundings and the temptation to always win, Lavan basks in a moment of unadulterated collective joy.

In this protective embrace of Yaakov, Lavan’s genuine emotions, of love for his children and the promise embodied within them, flows freely, as the Torah describes how he kissed his sons and his daughters and blessed them. (לקט שיחות מוסר ויצא)

One can only truly rejoice for someone else only if one feels secure in oneself and thus capable of appreciating fully another. In that moment of attesting to his desire to part happily with Yaakov Lavan connected for a fleeting moment to a healthy part of his soul.

When he champions the idea to focus on one celebration at a time, Lavan experienced a moment of true connection with others as only one who was sincere in sharing in another’s joy would be sensitive to understanding the need to rejoice with each person individually.

Finally the celebration of shearing of the wool was an expression of accomplishment and hard work together with the members of his family, who represent his legacy and future.

Before heading out to the territory of Lavan, Yaakov sleeps at the site of the future Temple, the abode of G-d, and has a vision.

והנה, and behold, he sees a ladder that is מצב ארצה, set earthward, and its top מגיע השמימה, reaching heavenward.

Studying the ladder he notices, והנה, and behold, there are angels, עלים וירדים בו, ascending and descending on it.

Finally he observes once again, והנה, and behold, G-d, נצב עליו, standing over him.

G-d seeing Moshe is reluctant to assume leadership preferring to defer that role to Aharon his deserving older brother, instructs him to have no fear of Aharon’s reaction, הנה הוא יוצא לקראתך וראך ושמח בלבו (שמות ד יד), behold, he is going out to meet you and when he sees you he will rejoice in his heart. The Sifrei states that we derive from here that whenever the word הנה, behold, appears, it denotes joy.

‘Behold’ connotes presence, a sense of being, being absorbed in the moment, a very accurate description of the emotion of joy.

Yaakov before setting on the challenging journey of engaging with Lavan is taught the secret to happiness.

One must realize that despite our feet being planted on earth, symbolizing our being entrenched in the instinct of the material world, our heads; our minds; our perception of ourselves; and our inherent worthiness, is firmly planted in heaven. והנה, and behold, therein lays the seeds of joy.

In our sojourn in this world we will encounter myriads of angels ascending and descending on the ladder of life, representing a common mission, bonding in expressing through our collective efforts, His will in this world. והנה, and behold, therein we generate genuine happiness.

By achieving and passing on these goals to future generations we connect to eternity, virtually standing with the Divine Presence. והנה, and behold, therein we attain eternal bliss.

(קדושת יום טוב ויצא)

Lavan fathomed the objective, but was blinded by his misguided ambition and desire to obtain his goals through dishonesty, a deceit that sprouted from a lack of self-respect and flowered into the poisonous weeds of greed and deception.

May the lesson of Yaakov Avinu inspire us to regain our dignity, regale in our mission and connect to the true source of all joy.

באהבה,

צבי טייכמאן