The G-d of heaven—who took me from my father’s house and from my native land, who promised me on oath, saying, ‘I will assign this land to your offspring’—He will send you His angel before you, and you will get a wife for my son from there. (בראשית כד ז)
Avraham Avinu entrusts his loyal servant/disciple, Eliezer, to select a suitable wife for his beloved son, Yitzchok, from his native land, his birthplace. He makes Eliezer take an oath that he will be loyal to his objective and deviate an iota.
Avraham seems to be assuring him with certainty that he will succeed. How could he have been so confident?
Chizkuni suggests that Avraham received a prophecy to this effect and was thus counting on its fulfillment. He supports this idea from a later verse that describes how Lavan and Besuel reacted after hearing from Eliezer the remarkable sequence of events from the directive of his master to his encountering Rivkah at the well, by exclaiming, 'Let her be a wife for your master's son, as G-d has spoken', intimating G-d having expressed a prophecy that was now fulfilled.
The Ibn Ezra, however, rejects this proposition since after his heartfelt appeal and assurance that Eliezer will succeed, Avraham nevertheless adds 'that if the girl does not want to come back with you, then you shall be absolved of my oath'.
Was it a prophecy how could he consider the possibility of Rivkah declining the offer? Evidently, he claims, it was simply a heartfelt prayer for his success, with a distinct chance of his failing to achieve his mission.
Perhaps there is a profound lesson in resolving this question.
Although G-d can manipulate events to carry out His wishes in bringing success or failure to any endeavor, there is one area where G-d relinquishes His control and handing it to the individual.
G-d endowed us with free will to make the choices and assume responsibility for them. Whether those choices bring about our desired result is totally up to G-d. But, when we are talking about relationships, and of course the most exquisite one, that of marriage, it takes two to tango. Despite the heavenly voice that emenated forty days before we were conceived that paired each one of us to our bashert, no one can force the other to choose them as a mate, nor will G-d compel it, for that would deny the G-d given right to choose freely.
Similarly, the prophecy that Rivkah was destined for Yitzchok, was just that. She would be picked as the candidate eligible for Yitzchok to wed. But, nevertheless, she could have declined.
Avraham knew this very well, that despite his knowledge of Rivkah as the designated mate for Yitzchok, it was solely up to her to choose that option. He thus considered that possibility and freed Eliezer in the event she declined.
I would venture to consider that even when one meets another who wasn't declared one's bashert, and perhaps a union not destined for success, and marries—through free will, can make it work. Otherwise, it would be denying man's right to choose freely.(פניני רבינו הקהילת יעקב עמ' לד)
I would add one other observation.
Avraham Avinu introduces to Eilezer his mission by prefacing it with his strings of successes and promises from G-d. Avraham refers to the days when G-d was only the Lord of the heavens, not the earth, for Avraham had not yet set out on his mission to promulgate to humanity the Oneness of G-d. Yet, G-d had intervened to draw him out of his father's home, directing him to the promised land he would one day bequeath to his children.
All this fortified Avraham's faith that G-d would lead him to find a mate suited to his holy son Yitzchok, relying on the 'sun that shined upon him' would continue to in realizing his dream of finding the perfect wife for his son. He therefore felt secure, even according to those who understand it as just an expression of faith and prayer— that G-d would send an angel his way.
Nevertheless, Avraham does not deny the possibility of failure, asserting that his son will not compromise by traveling out of the land in pursuit of his bashert, and frees Eliezer from his oath, with Avraham remaining with uncompromising faith in G-d despite the potential disappointment.
So often in the journey through shidduchim there is so much promise, yet often it is followed by disappointment, when it doesn't work out.
We would be wise to follow in the footsteps of our Patriarch, Avraham, in never getting discouraged and forge on with faith.
And of course, when things go awry in relationships, to always remember we are free willed beings. It takes 'two to tango', and with our free will we can overcome any obstacle.
באהבה,
צבי יהודה טייכמאן
