Parshas Ki Seitzei starts off with the Jewish people at war, and a Jewish soldier sees an eishes yifas toar. The pasuk says, “V’chashakta ba”.  The Ramban brings down that what is this strong expression “he desires her” that’s why the Torah was matir him to take her. The Torah says that if you take her, you’re going to be miserable, and you’re going to regret it, but, nonetheless, it’s still mutar. Ramban says that Hashem is aware of the person’s desires, and it’s only the person that is overcome by the desire that the Torah allows – that there is no “vechashakta bah”, if he’s not pining to commit this act, then he’s not allowed to take her.

Can’t Flee

We see a big yesod in life from this parsha. Normally, when a person is challenged by a yetzer harah he should run away as far away from it as he can.  “Mashcheihu l’beis medrash”.  He could pull him into the beis medrash, but, certainly, he could run away from the situation like Yosef.  “Vayanas vayaratz hachutza.”  He ran away.  But, here, at war, there’s an issue with fleeing. You’re not allowed to flee because if you flee it means you’ve given up.  If you’ve given up, then you lose the war, and, so here, he can’t run away. Therefore, the Torah is left only permitting her.

Not Recommended

Like Ramban says, it’s only for the person that can’t control himself.  That means that he just has a strong desire, and, nonetheless, even though he has a strong desire and the Torah is matir, the Torah says that you’re going to end up hating her, and, G-d forbid, a person will end up having a ben soreir u’moreir from here because it’s not going to work very well because things that are started with rah like that and evil, they don’t work very well.

2) Antidote to Stop Further

Ramban brings down that one of the things is that this woman, this foreign woman that this Jewish person took, the Torah commands that she let her nails grow out and become ugly. Ramban says that even in his time (in the late 1100s), the minhag of the woman was that they would grow their fingernails very long, and they would paint nail polish on them to make it look nice. Therefore, we make him get rid of her nails and make them look ugly, so that he shouldn’t be attracted to her.  And, again, we’re trying to draw attention to the fact that these things are all “sheker hachein v’hevel hayofi”, and since she is not “isha yiras Hashem he tishalel”, this is not a good union.

3) Friction Guaranteed

The pasuk says, “U’vachsa es aviyha v’es imam yerech yamim”.  She has to mourn her parents, her family for a month.  And, why is that?  Because if he wants to be married to this woman, she, of course, needs to convert. Says the Ramban, there’s going to be a lot of friction because she’s an oveid avodah zarah, and now you’re converting her to be a Jew, and so, of course, she’s going to be crying and not wanting to give up her old ways. Again, this is another reason that it’s certainly not recommended at all to connect with this person.

4) Source of His Mistakes

My rebbe, Rav Asher Zelig Rubenstein zt”l used to always point to this parsha, and he would give us a whole shmooz on “v’’ra’isa”.  If you let your eyes see, then v’chashkta, then the desires come. A person has to work on his shemiras einayim. The lesson is that even though the Torah is matir taking her, it’s not recommended and it will not work out. He’s allowed to take her, but it’s not recommended, and it will be a disaster if he takes her.  And, that we have to recognize that Rebono  Shel Olam gives a person free will.

5) What Did Ben Sorer Do Wrong?

We find the parsha of the Ben Soreir U’moreh (2:18). The punishment that he gets: He’s chayav misa. Ramban brings down that what did this Ben Soreir U’moreh do that was so bad.  He quotes the same thing that he writes by a zakein mamreih where again the zakein mamreih didn’t seem to do any action that warrants the death penalty. He rebelled against the beis din.  

Says the Ramban, what’s the theme there? You have to get rid of the zakein mamreih because we’re removing the the machlokes from Klal Yisrael.  And, that’s the same thing with this Ben Soreir U’moreh. His behavior isn’t necessarily one that he’s actually chayav missah for,  in the sense that he did anything wrong. But, he is evil and must be eradicated.

Rashi seems to try to point, based on Chazal (Gemara in Sanhedrin and Yerushalmi explicitly says so), that he’s going to murder someone. Rashi says that he might murder someone, “mlasteim es habriyos” on the road.  Says the Ramban: No, we don’t need that explanation even. He’s a ba’al machlokes, and a ba’al machlokes must be gotten rid of because Klal Yisrael needs to get along, k’ish echad b’leiv echad, and machlokes is extremely destructive. The projected life of the ben soreir u’moreh is one of discord and we need to get rid of that as soon as possible. If he could do teshuva, of course, we’re going to try to get him to repent.  Of course, that’s the first thing, but, if not, then the Torah authorizes us to terminate his life because of that.

6) Shiluach Hakein Fights Leiv Achzar

There’s a very large topic (22:6) in Ramban about ta’amei hamitzvos based on the Rambam, and, of course, based on ma’amarei Chazal.  Are there reasons behind the mitzvos?  And, this is in the pasuk, “ki yikareih kan tzipor” which is seemingly a chok. There’s no logical explanation for the mitzvah of shiluach hakein, sending away that mother bird to take that little bird.

Ramban brings down, first of all, from the Rambam, quotes him that when a person slaughters a baby in front of a mother bird, even animals have feelings, and this causes tremendous pain and suffering, and the Ramban says that the p’shat in the mitzvah is to teach us that we shouldn’t be a leiv achzari and not have rachmanus as well. Rambam even says that just like humans have worries about their children, so animals also worry about that.  That is a natural love that a mother has and a parent has.  It’s not a logical worry.  It’s not even one that could be verbalized, but it’s from the way that the Rebono Shel Olam created us.

As Hashem Commanded

So, there are other people that say that mitzvos don’t have any ta’am, so to speak, and they bring down different ma’amarei Chazal. Some of them are that Chazal say that what difference does it make to Hashem if we slaughter something or not.  It doesn’t make any difference to Hashem, but Hashem commanded it. Ramban reconciles this and says that, of course, ultimately the reason that we follow the Torah is because everything is a chok to a certain degree because the Rebono Shel Olam told us to, and the Rebono Shel Olam is the one that created the world this way, and made these lessons here, and so, ultimately we follow the Torah and we do it no matter what.  And, we do it because Hashem told us.  However, says the Ramban, we try to learn a lesson in everything that we do.  This is why the Ramban tries to explain so many things, taamei hamitzvos in so many of the mitzvos like maachalos asuros that they create negativety in a person, etc.

Our Actions Impact

Yes, of course, ultimately, if you do what’s right, it doesn’t impact Hashem and if you do what’s bad it doesn’t hurt Hashem, but, as the Ramchal explains the words of the Ramban and other ma’amarei Chazal. “Tzur yaladta teshi, you weakened your creator,” Hashem has created a world where when we do sin, we do weaken, kaviyachol, Hashem.  Hashem created it.  And, “Tenu oz le’Elokim”, says the Ramchal.  If you do good things, then you are empowering the Rebono Shel Olam to be meitiv to us, and that is what we’re always asking Hashem to do.

Just like the Rabbi Yishmael Kohen Gadol davened to Hashem, “she’yichbishu rachamecha es kascha” Rebono Shel Olam, You act as if you have kaas towards us when we don’t follow Your mitzvos, and you act as if you have mercy towards us in our behaviors.  The Rebono Shel Olam acts with us like a father and a son, and like a master to a servant.  Aveinu Malkeinu.  The Rebono Shel Olam has different aspects of how he’s manhig the world kiviyachol, and so that’s Who we are appealing to. Bottom line is, as Ramban explains that, ultimately, we do the mitzvos because Hashem commanded.  However, we try to look for lesson and spiritual, uplifting messages we could learn from them.

7) Dignity

Ramban (23:10) says that the reason that one of the standard tools that every army man was given was the ability to take care of his feces and use the restroom and cover it up.  He has a spade in order to be able to take care of his dignity. Says the Ramban that this is an important lesson to us that because we are a holy nation, we act in holy ways and tznius ways, and our dignity is very, very important.  The Rebono Shel Olam wants to show us to always take our dignity in every situation in life. “Bechol zos shimcha lo shachachnu”.  People challenge us, situations challenge us.  The umos ha’olam challenge us, and, unfortunately, different people that we interact with challenge us, but never lose your dignity and never forget that there’s a Rebono Shel Olam that runs the world, and it is our job as a tzelem Elokim and an am kadosh, a holy nation, that we always maintain our dignity as much as possible and remember that that is part of being a tzelem Elokim, an image of G-d that we maintain that dignity.

Rabbi Yosef Tropper is a rav and psychotherapist. Learn more and subscribe at ParshaThemes.com