The Ramban explains that the Torah is teaching us not to be a “nu’vel b’rishus Ha’Torah”. Essentially, one should not be gluten while following the letter of the law, by eating an abundance of meat even though it is indeed kosher and drinking an abundance of even kosher wine . Instead, one should refrain from such indulgence and excess.

Why is indulging in halachically kosher items discouraged? Are the items being discussed muttar (permissible) or are they assur (prohibited)? How can they be both?

Many people do not know that the great Rav Dessler, author of the Michtav Me’Eliyahu, was separated from his wife and daughter for 10 whole years. You see, he left Europe before World War 2, however, his wife and daughter went back to visit right before the war. While they were there in Europe, the war broke out and they were stuck behind enemy lines. By a miracle, they ended up in Australia. However, they were not able to leave there, and the only way Rav Dessler was able to connect with them over those 10 years was through letters.

As you may have guessed, back then, the mail delivery system was not intricate. Mail would only come from Australia once a week. As you can imagine, Rav Dessler looked very forward to those meaningful letters, which sometimes came with pictures of his wife and daughter, over those ten years.

Rav Dessler’s neighbors were aware of the serious situation he was going through. Their heart went out for him and they all looked on with excitement on mail day when he received his letter.

Now, while neighbors generally try to be respectful of privacy, one day, one particular neighbor could not contain himself. He saw an unusually large letter being delivered to Rav Dessler. After waiting a few moments, he knocked on Rav Dessler's door, and without anyone answering, the curious neighbor walked right into Rav Dessler’s home. 

The neighbor expected to see Rav Dessler pouring over the letter. Instead, however, he saw him learning Gemara by his dining room table.

“Rebee”, the man asked curiously. “Did you receive the letter?”. “Yes”, replied Rav Dessler. “Rebee, I hope I’m not being too forward, but may I ask why you haven’t read it yet? Don’t you want to see how everyone is doing?”.

“Of course I do”, replied Rav Dessler. “More than anything. However, I’ve trained myself to never give in to physical desire right away. Instead, I always delay the instant gratification by 10 minutes. This way, I strengthen my self control. Yes, I will of course read this letter and I can’t wait until I do so. However, I won’t do so for another few minutes”.

The Torah is teaching us that if we want to be in a position to fully connect with Hashem, we must be able to remain in full control of our ourselves. How does one ensure one can remain in control of every action? By exercising reasonable restraint, even when it comes to things that are technically muttar.

Living Inspired

Our psychology, mindset and middos are PRECISELY like a MUSCLE. The more one strengthens a particular aspect of it, the stronger it gets. The more one ignores or does not exercise it, the weaker it gets. Although this may seem simple to some, it is one of the most useful and profound facts of human nature. Its relevance is constant; every minute, of every hour, of every day*.

This is why it is so important to act on and exercise our self control regularly. In fact, Chazal teach us that such a practice is arguably MORE important and impactful than fasting. They encourage that the next time that you eat, ignore the animalistic habit of eating every morsel in front of you. Instead, flex and exercise your self-control muscles and refrain from the last bite. This opportunity to gain self-control over one’s self is very powerful, especially because it comes up regularly, and is even more effective than fasting**.

May we all practice this, or any other aspect of restraint, even one time TODAY, thus strengthening our greatest tool for perfection; attaining true self-control.

Gut Shabbos

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*- The Stanford Marshmallow Test Experiment, conducted by Walter Mischel in the 1960s, is a renowned psychological study that has shed light on the significance of self-control and delayed gratification. The experiment's simplicity belies its profound implications, revealing the crucial role of self-regulation in determining future success and well-being.

In the experiment, a child was presented with a tantalizing offer: a marshmallow, available for immediate consumption, or the promise of a second marshmallow if they waited a short period. The child was left alone in a room with the marshmallow for 15 minutes, and the time it took for them to succumb to temptation was recorded. This deceptively simple test proved to be a powerful predictor of future outcomes.

Follow-up studies revealed that children who demonstrated the ability to wait longer had higher SAT scores, lower levels of substance abuse, lower likelihood of obesity, better responses to stress, and better social skills. These findings suggest that the capacity for self-control and delayed gratification is a critical factor in achieving success and well-being in various aspects of life.

The marshmallow test has far-reaching implications. By practicing self-control and resisting immediate temptations, individuals can develop the resilience and perseverance necessary to achieve their goals. Moreover, this experiment demonstrates that small moments of self-discipline and delayed gratification can have a lasting impact, shaping our futures in profound ways. By embracing the principles of self-regulation, we can set ourselves on a path towards success, well-being, and a brighter future.

Sources:

- Mischel, W. (1966). Theory and research on the antecedents of self-regulation. In E. Aronson (Ed.), The handbook of social psychology (Vol. 2, pp. 503-531). Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley.

- Mischel, W., Ebbesen, E. B., & Zeiss, A. R. (1972). Cognitive and attentional mechanisms in delay of gratification. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 21(2), 204-218.

- Mischel, W. (2014). The marshmallow test: Mastering self-control. Little, Brown and Company.

**- This concept is quoted by many Seforim in the name of the Ra’avid. See also, Sefer Bris Shalom on Parshas Toldos, Ben Ish Chai on Parshas Be’Har, Mesechtas Derech Eretz Perek Vav, Ketzos Ha’Shulchan Siman 39. See also Shulchan Aruch Siman 170 s”k 3ffff and 8.