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Parshas Devarim: NO!

By BJLife/Rabbi Moshe Pruzansky

Posted on 07/16/21

Parshas HaShavua Divrei Torah sponsored by
Dr. Shapsy Tajerstein, DPM - Podiatry Care.
(410) 788-6633

In this week's parshah, Moshe Rabbeinu recounts our nation’s encounter with Sichone, as we came to enter Eretz Yisroel after sojourning for 40 years in the desert (2:26-30).


Sichone was a very mighty king whose territory bordered Eretz Yisroel (see Rashi 2:32 and Be’er BaSadeh, where they explain that Sichone was so mighty that they felt no need to ask the powerful giant, Oig Melech HaBashan, for any assistance). The yidden asked to peacefully pass through his land, in order to have a direct route to their destination. They even offered to pay for any food or drink that they consumed. However, the pasuk explicitly states that Hashem hardened Sichone’s heart and caused him to say “no” to our request - as the Torah says: “But Sichone, King of Cheshbone, was not willing to let us pass through it, for Hashem, your G-d, hardened his spirit & made his heart stubborn” (2:30. See also Rambam Hil. Teshuva 6:3).


Why did Hashem harden the king of Sichone’s heart and make him say “no” to our request? Once Hashem was orchestrating Sichone’s free will, why not simply make Sichone say “yes” instead of “no”? Wouldn’t that have been better for everyone?


R’ Avigdor Miller was one of the Gedelei HaDor. He wrote about 20 seforim and gave over 2,500 lectures that were recorded and have been listened to by tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of Jews.


During R’ Avigdor Miller’s younger years, due to his family's financial struggles, young Avigdor had decided at the tender age of 14 to actually leave his yeshiva to get a job. For weeks before his decision, every afternoon on his way back from learning he had seen a sign hanging in front of a newspaper factory, stating that they were looking to hire young men. On the day that he finally decided to apply for the job, he saw a man on a ladder removing the sign. The man told him that the final positions were filled, that very day. Young Avigdor was crushed by the news. At the age of 17, again he tried to get a job and interviewed for it, but he was rejected and turned down. Again, at the age of 21, he had an interview scheduled in a nearby city and he had to take a train to get there. On the day of the interview, young Avigdor got to the train station bright and early, however, to his chagrin, the train was delayed due to a problem with the track. By the time that he got to the interview, the job had already been filled with another applicant who had shown up on time. During each of these setbacks, R’ Miller recounts how devastated he was by the failure and how frustrated and helpless he felt. However, years later, he realized that it was the greatest kindness of Hashem and he appreciated that these events were Divine Intervention for his absolute benefit, as he went on to stay in learning and become one of the Gedolei HaDor. It took years for him to see it, but being rejected was the ultimate blessing. Even in matters of ruchniyus, being told “no” can be beneficial, as impossible as that may seem: R’ Miller attempted to become a Rebee in a Yeshiva in Baltimore in his early 20’s. He was very qualified for the job, and on top of that, he was a Baltimore local. When he arranged for an interview, he was told that there was only one other candidate for the Rebee position, and, that this other individual wasn’t even a Baltimore local. R’ Miller was sure that he would get the job. He practiced thoroughly for the interview and felt that it went amazingly well. To his utter disappointment, he was told a week later that the Yeshiva decided to hire the other candidate because R’ Miller “was not a good public speaker”. Can you imagine how ridiculous this must have seemed? R’ Miller went on to successfully give thousands of lectures to large crowds - clearly he was not lacking in the category of public speaking. R’ Miller was so disappointed that he decided to change tracks; A friend of his had been trying to convince him to learn in the famous Slobodka Yeshiva, but R’ Miller had turned him down. At the time, it was extremely unusual for anyone to leave the secure and relatively wealthy country of America and go to study in the poor Yeshiva of Slobodka. However, after being rejected from the Rebee position, R’ Miller felt hopeless of getting a position in America and decided to go to Slobodka, as he felt he had few other options. This too was openly an open kindness from Hashem, as R’ Miller, for all of his life, quoted the life-changing lessons that he learnt in Slobodka and would often relate that his 6 years there were the foundation for his entire life. As it says in his biography: “Every idea he taught, every book he published, was carrying on & transmitting the lessons he learned during those 6 years”*. Not only that, he met his shadchan, and ultimately his wife, through learning in the yeshiva of Slobodka as well.


One can easily learn from our parshah that, contrary to popular belief, being told “no” is sometimes a wonderful thing and it is always just as orchestrated by Hashem for our benefit as being told “yes”. As a result of Sichone saying “no”, the yidden had to wage war against them and they enjoyed an overwhelming victory. Not only that, Sichone’s land was annexed as a part of Eretz Yisroel due to their victory in war. Additionally, the war caused a tremendous Kiddush Hashem, as during the battle Hashem made a miracle and the sun stopped moving for many hours, just as it did during for Yehoshua during his war of conquest, so that Bnei Yisroel’s reputation would become known far and wide (Rashi 2:25). Indeed, the victory caused all the nations of Cana’an to fear the yidden greatly and this contributed to their success in future wars with them.


Living Inspired


This saga serves as an example for us in life. We can well imagine that there may have been yidden who felt let down by Sichone's refusal. The yidden had wandered through the desert for forty years and were finally on the verge of settling down in a permanent residence in Eretz Yisroel. All they wanted to do was pass through Sichone’s land, but, their way was obstructed. 


Yet, unbeknown to them at the time, Sichone's refusal was not meant to make their lives harder, but better. It was all a plan to arrange for Sichone to be conquered and to give klal yisroel a stunning and miraculous victory. 


Many times in life, what we may perceive as a disappointment, is nothing short of a pure blessing. Whenever we face rejection, we should remind ourselves of these lessons**. 


We should also take tremendous inspiration from the fact that even when we are being told “no”, and face rejection, Hashem is with us. Both when we get “yes’s” as well as when we get “no’s”, Hashem is Benevolently with us at ALL times***.




Gut Shabbos


_____


*- Quoted from “Rav Avigdor Miller. His Life & His Revolution”, by Judaica Press, pg. 79.


**- This Dvar Torah was inspired by a beautiful Dvar Torah by R’ Yitzchok Aryeh Strimber


***- Many of us have had such experiences in which we were disappointed over a certain event, and in the end, we realized it was better for us exactly the way matters unfolded. It may have been from facing rejection from getting into a Yeshiva or seminary, only to later realize that the school we thought was best for us was not and that the one we ended up going to was the perfect place for us to thrive. Or, it could be someone who was rejected by a date, only to later discover that the person who turned them down was clearly not their zivug, as the person they met and married later on was so much better. Or, it can be a job we thought would be best for us, only to later realize after not getting it that the job we did get was so much better. 




We must realize in these instances that these were not mere coincidences. Hashem knew all along what was best for us and made sure to orchestrate our affairs accordingly. When we face rejection, we should remind ourselves of these lessons.