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Hilchos Lashan Hara: Revealing Student Infractions

By BJLife/Rabbi Dovid Jaffee

Posted on 12/03/19

Parshas HaShavua Divrei Torah sponsored by
Dr. Shapsy Tajerstein, DPM - Podiatry Care.
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This article is adapted from my upcoming sefer, “What Can I Say... Today?” All halachos mentioned herein are complex and part of a larger framework. The purpose of the article is to raise awareness of these essential halachos. Hence, one should not draw any practical conclusions without first consulting a Rav.


Student Infractions


It is permitted for a principal or teacher to listen to (and even to inquire after) negative information regarding students in the school when it is necessary so that the school can service that child or the other children properly.


Example: Rabbi Shapiro, the principal, has reason to suspect that Avigdor has brought inappropriate reading material to school. He is allowed to speak to Avigdor’s rebbe to see if he has any leads to confirm this suspicion.


Similarly, it is permitted for schools to have teacher conferences in which multiple teachers discuss issues that they have with a particular student. However, such conferences must follow the guidelines set forth by a Rav to ensure that the conditions of to’eles are adhered to.


Soliciting Information from Students


What is the halachah when a teacher knows that someone in the class did something for which he needs to be reprimanded or punished, but does not know who it was? May he ask the students to reveal his identity?


Some Poskim write that this should not be done. It is true that one student may tell the teacher that another student has done something wrong, but this is only when the student has the proper motives for revealing the information (i.e., for the improvement of the other student). However, these Poskim feel that the student will only have proper motives if he comes to the teacher on his own; if the teacher demands that the children tell him who acted improperly, one cannot assume that the students will have the proper motives. Indeed, a teacher who asks this of his class is minimizing the severity of loshon hora in their eyes.


Other Poskim disagree and feel that a teacher may ask his students to tell him necessary information about other students. They explain that once the teacher makes it clear to the students that loshon hora is usually forbidden and, in this case, there is an exception due to the to’eles, this is sufficient to allow him to ask the students for the information. Some add that this should only be done when the to’eles is understandable to the students themselves (such as when there is a clear danger). Furthermore, in order to ensure that the students have intention for to’eles, they may not be threatened with consequences if they are not forthcoming.


The common custom is to follow the lenient opinion of these authorities. However, in practice, one should not rely on this dispensation unless it is truly necessary. Therefore, one must first consult with a Rav in order to assess if the situation necessitates imposing upon the students to reveal information.


Responding to Someone Who Asks for Information


The Chofetz Chaim writes that it is forbidden to speak loshon hora even if one is pressured to do so. He adds that even if one’s father or rebbe asks him for information that is loshon hora or will involve loshon hora, it remains forbidden to answer his question.


This is only true when it is known that there is no to’eles involved. If so, the child or student is being asked to do something forbidden. However, if the parent or teacher specifies that he is asking for a to’eles, the child or student may respond.


A gray area exists in a situation in which the parent or teacher did not tell the student that he wants the information for a to’eles, and the child or student is unsure whether a to’eles exists. May he respond with the assumption that his parent or teacher would not ask him to say loshon hora if it was not for a to’eles?


The answer depends on the questioner. If the questioner is known to be careful about the laws of loshon hora, the student may answer the question on the assumption that there certainly is a to’eles. However, if this is not the case, the student is being placed in a very uncomfortable situation. On the one hand, it is certainly possible that his parent or teacher is adhering to the halachah and asking because of a to’eles. If so, it would be a greatly disrespectful for the student to refrain from answering (or even to ask the questioner if there is a to’eles involved). On the other hand, if he relates the information, there is the possibility that there is not a proper to’eles (or at least, that some of the conditions for to’eles have not been met), and he will have violated the prohibition of loshon hora. One should seek guidance from a Rav.


Children to Parents


It is common for children to come home from school and tell their parents about their day. Many times, this may include loshon hora about others. May the parents listen to this information? In truth, there are events that the child tells about for a to’eles, for instance, the child may indicate that another child is harming others or serving as a negative influence. Therefore, it would seem that the parents should not stop their child from telling them anything about others. On the other hand, many things that the child says are indeed loshon hora without a to’eles. What is the halachah?


The answer to this question is not set in stone, as there are many factors to account for in each case. One should consult with a Rav who has a deep understanding of child-rearing in order to make a proper set of guidelines for the particular family and each individual child.


That being said, some Poskim do offer the following general guidelines which will apply in many situations: If the child is young, the parents may listen to everything he says because of the possibility that there may be a to’eles. They should not discourage the child from sharing information with them since certain information can, in fact, be crucial for the parents to know. (Naturally, the parents are not allowed to believe the information, as is the case with all loshon hora for a to’eles. Rather, they may only suspect that the information may be true, and take precautions [or do research] if necessary. This concept will be elaborated on in a future article. Note that this is particularly true regarding information from children, which often includes distortion and misunderstanding on the part of the child.)


However, when the child is old enough to understand the distinction between loshon hora that is for a to’eles and loshon hora that is not for a to’eles, the parents should give the child guidelines to follow regarding which information he may share. A Rav should be consulted to assist the parents in establishing the proper guidelines for each child.