Posted on 08/08/25
Tu B’Av, the 15th day of Av, is a day of joy and healing following the mourning of Tisha B’Av. The Mishna (Taanit 26b) describes how on this day men and women seeking marriage would meet in the vineyards. The women – rich and poor - would all wear borrowed white dresses so as not to embarrass anyone who did not have her own. At a time when each of these women was seeking her own happiness, she acted in a way that would help others find theirs. This exquisite sensitivity was not only critical to the future of the families they hoped to build; it was essential to the national recovery from Churban and was part of the joy and healing of Tu B’Av.
The Beit Hamikdash was destroyed because of sinat chinam, vain hatred, as demonstrated in the classic story of Kamtza uBar Kamtza (Gittin 55b). At that time, the host of a wedding shamed and expelled Bar Kamtza from the event while his many honored guests looked the other way and continued to celebrate. That lack of empathy and connection was reminiscent of the original biblical act of intra-Jewish hatred, where after the brothers of Yosef cast him into a pit, they were able to forget his plight and sit down to eat (Bereishit 37:25). That disturbing ability to celebrate our own happiness and disconnect from the anguish of others contributed to our disconnection from G-d and led to the Churban. And it is why we recall the Churban specifically when we celebrate weddings, as precisely when individuals joyfully come together to build their own home, they recall G-d’s lack of a home on this earth.
King David was not allowed to build the Mikdash himself. On the one hand, he was the most sensitive and empathetic to G-d, noting how incongruous it was that he lived in a house made of cedar while the holy ark of G-d sat in a tent (Shmuel II 7:2). Nevertheless, he was precluded from building the Mikdash because of his career spilling blood as a warrior (DH I 22:8), a task that required him to harden his heart and act with distance and disconnection from those he had to defeat in battle. Waging war was a critical task he needed to properly perform on behalf of Klal Yisrael, but the warrior’s necessary disconnection cost him the ability to build the Mikdash, the epicenter of connection.
That irony provides a small window into the tensions we must face as Jews waging war. We are the children of Avraham, a man who acted with kindness to everyone he encountered, Jew and non-Jew. Under normal circumstances we seek to follow in his path and model dedication to peace and charity, supporting and providing comfort not only to our own but to everyone. This makes it difficult to wage war even with those who seek to destroy us, as we struggle with the horrible destruction and harm that those justified battles inflict on others. This inner tension is essential to who we are as Jews and how we fight as Jews. We must stay aware of that connection cost though we may not allow it to jeopardize our survival.
That is why when we went to battle, the Mashuach Milchama, the Kohein specifically charged with maintaining our spiritual values on the battlefield, stood before the Jewish army and said to its soldiers “al yeirach l’vavchem,” instructing them not to allow their hearts to soften (Mishna Sotah 8:1): “Hear O Israel, you are going to battle today against your enemies. You are not fighting your brothers such that if you fall into their hands they will act mercifully, clothing you and feeding you. You are going to war against enemies who – if you fall in their hands – will show no compassion towards you. Al yeirach l’vavchem.” Do not allow your hearts to soften with either an excess of compassion or a lack of courageous determination.
We are living in exceptionally difficult times, fighting ruthless enemies who have demonstrated how merciless they are to those who have fallen into their hands. It is heartbreaking to see the suffering of innocent Gazans placed cynically by Hamas in harm’s way. As noted repeatedly, the IDF has already delivered more humanitarian aid to Gaza than any military in history has provided to an enemy population during wartime, and it is working every day to provide much more. We remain proud of Israel and its army, the only moral fighting force in the region striving to abide by internationally accepted laws of war on a battlefield never faced by another modern army and to live up to its own self-imposed higher Jewish standards. We support them in their determination to achieve survival and safety for Israel and to minimize harm to innocents. We strive with them to uphold Tu B’Av’s exquisite sensitivity and empathy to all that will enable the rebuilding of the Mikdash, the ultimate connector of all mankind, soon in our days, Amen.
Have a wonderful Shabbos and may we be blessed with besorot tovot, truly good news.