Posted on 02/18/22
This week’s parsha relates the story of the עגל הזהב, the sin of the Golden Calf. The residual effects of this sin continue to exist, where the aveiros that a Yid does today retains remnants of the original sin of the Golden Calf. However, when a person learns the parsha, they do not only learn about the magnitude of chet from the penultimate chet; they can also learn what it means to come close to the Ribbono Shel Olam.
Before Moshe Rabbeinu descended the mountain, the Ribbono Shel Olam warned him about the Jewish people’s actions, “Hurry down for your people have wandered away from the correct path.” Despite having this knowledge as he returned to the Jewish people, Moshe did not break the luchos right away. Rather, he came close to the camp and then stopped to break the luchos. What did he see that suddenly caused him to smash them?
Many sefarim explain that when Moshe came near the camp with the luchos: וַיַּ֥רְא אֶת־הָעֵ֖גֶל וּמְחֹלֹ֑ת, he saw the calf and the dancing. In addition to seeing the egel that they were worshiping, he also noticed the festive singing, dancing, and instrument playing. The Sforno explains that when Moshe saw the joy that the Jewish people were exhibiting, that was when he broke the luchos, because a person who does an aveira should never be happy.
We can illustrate this idea with a common experience. When a child asks his parents if he is allowed to do something, the parents will sometimes answer, “Don’t do it.” But if the child presses enough, the parents will sometimes say, “OK, do what you want.” However, if the child goes ahead and does the activity, they will have no enjoyment in it. If a person does enjoy, it is a siman that they are closed off to those people.
Moshe Rabbeinu saw that people were happy. He was horrified- how could a Yid do an aveira and be happy? A person sometimes is overwhelmed by taivos or distracted, which causes them to sin, but they aren’t happy about it! Moshe Rabbeinu deduced that something much bigger must have been at play, which caused the Jewish people to sin. It could have been a maaseh satan or the erev rav; there was some tumah that was more powerful than him that he could not contend with. Therefore, Moshe Rabbeinu broke the luchos.
The passuk says in Tehilim: ה' נֶגְדְּךָ֥ כָל־תַּאֲוָתִ֑י וְ֝אַנְחָתִ֗י מִמְּךָ֥ לֹא־נִסְתָּֽרָה, You are aware of all of my desires, and my pain is not hidden from You. The Sefarim explain:
ה' נֶגְדְּךָ֥ כָל־תַּאֲוָתִ֑י- You know that I sometimes slip and that I am a human being who sometimes loses.
וְ֝אַנְחָתִ֗י מִמְּךָ֥ לֹא־נִסְתָּֽרָה- but You know how much it hurts me. You know my anguish when I do an aveira.
A person can only be happy when they are fully present in the moment. For example, a father who dances by his daughter’s chasunah lives in the moment; he is not distracted, so his simcha is complete. Similarly, on Purim we are going to feel that feeling of being all in.
However, when a person’s body is present, but their soul is not there, they don’t feel happy. When we show the Ribbono Shel Olam that we have anguish when we perform aveiros, it means that we are not actually committing the sin. Conversely, when we shake the arba minim, hear the shofar, learn a blatt of gemara, give money to tzedakah, or perform any mitzvah, we feel joyful and rejuvenated. That is proof that it is us who are doing it, and it keeps us whole and happy.